Why Would Undiagnosed Learning Disabilities Be a Secret?

The theme of telling our life story with transparency is resonating this year with me and my life coaching clients. If you know me you know that I am a fairly open book. There isn’t much I won’t share—-if you ask. But, what I also know is that all of us have a couple bits of our story that we hide from others and sometimes from ourselves. Maybe, we keep things secret because we feel others won’t like us if they know or we allow our brain to tell the story that something is too embarrassing to share. Sometimes we hide parts of our life story because in the workplace there seems to be someone looking for our ‘Achilles Heel’, our weak spot that can and will be used against us. So, we share our story and leave bits in places that are deep until we are ready to unpack fact, fiction, and are ready to face the secrets with fascination.

I am sixty-six years old and am on a year-long journey to fly out of all my comfort zones, try new aspects of life and take a deep dive into the hidden or secret parts of my life. This is my year to unpack it all and I am ready to unveil a secret. Even my closest friends, family and work mates were not part of this secret. The secret is that I’ve struggled living with an undiagnosed learning disability my entire life. I have worked hard to control my limited attention span, disorganized learning style and runaway brain. Back in the 90’s when information was becoming readily available about learning styles and learning disabilities, I didn’t put myself in the box and believed that I knew best how to control my thinking. I did it my way– until it no longer worked.

My back story includes that I struggled in traditional school settings and never learned how to direct and control my brain. I am thankful for my extroverted personality that carried me through school and I used it to cover up my perceived deficits. I delayed starting my college career until age 32 because I had frozen- panic and disbelief that I could do the work. However, once I found a supportive community of people who encouraged and believed in me, I was ready to acknowledge that I learned differently than many others and I could meet the challenge.

So, I entered college and created my learning protocol that included getting up five days a week at 3:00 AM when my mind was not distracted or cluttered. I read, highlighted, researched, underlined and learned the material. I also asked for help, often. It wasn’t easy, but the day I graduated and walked across the stage to receive my diploma and it was announced to the world that I graduated magna cum laude, I felt like Scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz when he received his PhD and recited “The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side.” Full disclosure, I don’t have a clue what that means but the Scarecrow was awarded a PhD and he felt smart so I was ready to relive his joy and mine.

I had been serving on nonprofit boards and volunteering for years so upon college graduation I was able to follow my passion and enter the world of non-profit fundraising. I sought a career in nonprofit fund development that allowed my brain to run fast and furious. My daily tasks included working quickly and creatively, on multiple tasks, with specific deadlines. It worked for me and I loved it. I found a career that utilized my short attention span and honored my brain as my SUPERPOWER.

Life is about change and in December 2022 I retired from my full-time meaningful work. I let my brain rest for a wee bit and then set up my home office. I was excited to move into my new chapter in life that included planning a conference, writing a book, coaching women to become their best self, attending classes, walking my dog whenever I wanted and making new friends. I was also super excited to work with my son who was willing to guide me with his video, marketing and common-sense expertise.

Fairly quickly I learned that my new work environment was very different. I had created a fast-paced work environment for over twenty-five years that worked for my brain. My motto was the busier the better—go-go-go. What I didn’t understand was that once I slowed down, my system for managing my brain no longer worked. I would sit at my desk for ten minutes staring at a blank screen then pick up my phone to scroll social media. Next, off to the dryer to fold three pieces of clothing (never the entire load) and then waltz through the kitchen for a snack.

Was I anxious? Who the heck knows because I was using external things to change how I felt internally –also called buffering in the coaching world. I didn’t know how to focus my brain. My old methods no longer worked in this new setting. I also mentioned that I was now working with my son who lovingly called me out a few times for my lack of focus and disconnected ideas. My daughter was also gently offering words into my vocabulary like neurodivergent, she knew if she planted a word that I would run to Google.

I decided it was time to take action and pulled my shoulders back, sucked in my pride and went for my annual physical and decided it was time to say out loud to my doctor that I believe I MIGHT have Attention Deficit Disorder or what is now referred to as ADHD. I shared how I was affected in educational settings and how I had learned to manage it, but my methods were no longer working. Unfortunately, she seemed fairly disinterested but said she would request an evaluation. I had an evaluation (with no help from my primary care physician) and it was confirmed that I do have an hereditary disorder and it is called Attention Deficit Disorder under the umbrella of ADHD. I feel relief walking through the discomfort and admitting something that I felt I needed to hide. I am excited that there are choices for how to control it. I finally relaxed and admitted that sometimes it was EXHAUSTING trying to keep up with my runaway brain that felt like I was on the highway driving 90 mph (some of you are laughing because you know just a few years ago I still engaged in speed driving and paid multiple fines. .

So, I have shared one of my secrets that has bothered me since early childhood. Many of you may have embraced this part of yourself a long time ago and probably are questioning why it is a big deal to me. We all process things differently and at different times and what is big and private to one, someone else is wearing it proudly. For me, it was time to unpack something that no longer needs to remain a secret and can be laid out on the table as something that can be a superpower, or a damn nuisance.

I invite you to unpack one secret, bring it to the surface, and examine how it has impacted your life.

Ask yourself how it is currently impacting your life.

What would change if you shared your secret with someone or found a way to make your secret a positive part of your life.

If you want to work with a life coach and take a deep dive into your life story or the parts that you have hidden away as secret, contact me at nancybeardcoaching@gmail.com and we will setup a time for a free 30 minute consultation where you can ask questions and see if coaching is right for you.

Big hug,

Nancy

P.S. The Women With Strength Conference is filling up and we want you to join us on October 14th from 10:00-4:00 in North Carolina for a day of learning and growing with very cool women. www.womenwithstrength.co